Biography

The best music? That old analog (vinyl) tune that's in your head now! You are a Zonk if you love classic rock, and appreciate all good music. You are a Zonk if you hunt for buried treasure on the "B" sides of 45's. You are a Zonk if you would rather listen to AM. You are a Zonk if you eschew earbuds, and Ipods, and speakers the size of toasters, and bits and bytes, and digitized, homogenized, electrophonica. You are a Zonk if you have memories like- A 1969 summer after the sixth grade... you are at the powder blue concrete city pool... a parade of suntanned beauties are walking by... you are standing atop the pre-slip-and-fall-lawyer high dive and feeling like the king of all creation. Over the public address system The Kinks are blaring..."Girl! You really got me now, you got me so I don't know what I'm doin'." from the local AM station. It was all good, but the music made it ridiculously fantastic. Or maybe it was the chlorine? Not sure. Rock and roll was not invented in the 60's, but it has never been improved on since then... Don't argue with me! I have scientific proof!

Mean Motor Scooter (The K-Mart Song)

by The zOnks!

© Boonaroo Music

She got a six-pack of five hour power
got a fully-charged nike battery

Burnin' rubber 'round a toilet paper tower

She's a coupon clippin' circus machine

Wearin’ a pup tent in a target-rich enviroment
Yeah yeah yeah!

She’s a mean motor scooter
Tearin' down the aisle-way
Mean motor scooter
She got the right-of-way
Mean motor scooter

Rockin’ like a see-saw
Rollin’ like a rickshaw
Zippin’ like a butterfly
Stingin’ like a bee!

She grabbed a case of half-price slim-fast

gonna drink ‘em all down before the gate crash

slip slidin' 'round the clearance item bargain bin

Spinin' wheels glowin' like a redlinin' engine

Cruisin' the big box like a bumper car in detox
Yeah yeah yeah!

She’s a mean motor scooter
Movin’ like a tidal wave
Mean motor scooter
spelunkin' through the bargain cave

Mean motor scooter

Tippin’ like a bowlin’ pin
Scarin’ all the children
Zippin’ like a butterfly
Stingin’ like a bee!

She's a super-saver samurai
Cleanin' up on aisle five

Yeah yeah yeah!

(Please send all complaints to David Bonner.)

Tahiti Dream

by The zOnks!

Tahiti dreamin'
Taking my cue from a girl
Tired of schemin’
Tryin’ to make the news of the world

We’re gonna get off that long slow train
Gonna step on that big jet plane

The sun is shining on the other side of the world
The sun is shining on the other side of the world

Come on baby
Don’t let the world get you down
Hang on baby
Nothing gonna keep us in town

The sand is hot and the water is fine
We’ll share our love and a bottle of wine

The sun is shining on the other side of the world
Come on girl

The sun is shining on the other side of the world

Just a little fun to set the mood. This website is designed to trick 27.3% of the people who come here that The zOnks! are a real band. (Hopefully they won't read this part!) The songs here do have music, but they haven't been recorded yet. Likewise, the songs that are in the book also have music, but until some musician tackles them, the

music will be your's to imagine...

Want to see more zOnk Songs? Order the book... We Were The zOnks!

Want to hear a zOnk Song?!!! (Good Luck)

Zonk Vinyl Album Discography

Stay Cool Plasma

zOnks Alive! Live from Bottom's Up!

(ironic huh?)

Losing Orbit

Tahiti Dream

Watcher

Mooncruisers

The first The Rolling Rocker Interview...

MM: Why vinyl? Why are you so anti-digital?

John: We always wanted to have a hit record, and digital bits of data that are downloaded into chips and played secretly into someone's earbud is not our dream. We want our music in the air, you know? And we want it to require a little effort to play a Zonk song. We’re not asking you to get on your knees, just pull a record out of it’s jacket, drop a needle in a groove, and rattle the windows a bit.

David: Yeah! Like the song says!

MM: Do you think it has cost you money to go this route? Putting everything on vinyl?

John: We don’t care about the money. Everyone is getting what they want. If you buy the record you can still download the music if you want. It’s actually more expensive to make the music available that way, obviously.

MM: Now from the sublime to the ridiculous. I am sure you have seen the websites that claim that the rise of The Zonks are a sign of an approaching apocalypse.

David: Everything they say is true.

Stuart: Yes, and I really do have a pale horse.

MM: Oh, they have pictures of you riding it Stuart.

David: Actually, the horse runs the whole thing. One of our goals was to become so famous it would cause people to think the end must be near.

John: Maybe the beginning is near...